antikris:

I don’t spend my money on highlights or fake nails. I don’t cook well. I have never dreamt of my perfect wedding since I was a wee little girl. My shoes don’t always match my belt, wait…I don’t wear belts! My hair is usually up because I am too lazy to spend 30 minutes each day blow drying and curling. I enjoy dry comedy, not romantic. I don’t like flowers and don’t wear jewelry. But all things considered, I still think of myself as feminine. Wise cracks come more frequently than sweet sentiments, and the occasional burp rolls out intentionally, but what is it that defines femininity?

You see, in a non-heated conversation I was told by the man I am currently seeing that he would never consider me the type to be committed to. I am the best friend. I am the guaranteed laugh. But I am never the courted, the one to be put on a pedestal, the one to be loved. Let me clarify to save face……I wasn’t asking for anything, and don’t know that I even want anything. This was just casual banter between two drunkards standing on the street. We just so happen to be seeing each other “casually” (whatever that means). I wouldn’t say disappointment is the emotion I was left with. I guess confusion is a better suited word for this situation.

Now I know had I ended this blog with the two previous paragraphs I would have got a lot of “what the hell is wrong with this dude?” comments, but this is just it……it isn’t just him that has said this to me. Actually several men I have dated for a brief period of time have told me that yes, they do adore me, and yes, they are attracted to me, but no, they wouldn’t consider me the type to “take home to mom” so to speak.

I guess my purpose for writing this is just to put into words one more question I have in regards to all you Y chromosomes. Do the submissive beat those with substance?

I feel like Watts, always losing to Ms. Amanda Jones

I haven’t been in the dating world long enough to quite say all of this, though I fear that given my current trajectory, I may well be echoing some of her sentiments by the time I graduate. I don’t have the time (or energy or incentive) to spend an hour doing my hair and makeup perfectly, I don’t like flowers, I only wear earrings so that I don’t have to pierce my ears again, and I act normal around boys (even if I like one of them) rather than cooing and pumping their egos. And though I have a very easy time becoming friends with guys, that’s usually where it ends. I’m the best friend who gets to hear about conquests and courtships and other girls. But who courts me? And who’s to say that I’m doing something wrong, that I’m not being  feminine enough and that I’m acting cynical by voicing such complaints? What, am I not good enough if I don’t do these things? Thanks. Really.

Last night one friend tried to give me a makeover so that I could look more “pretty.” The night before, I was up until 4 AM talking with another friend about the virtues of the feminine arts. Then of course there were all the (half abrasive) chats with the mancil about selecting and courting girls and another friend’s declaration that the only way to truly know a guy is to sleep with him. I was under the impression that just being  myself is key, even if I’m too lazy to put on copious amounts off makeup and hairspray every day and think that a lot of the “feminine arts” tricks are a bunch of bullshit. I do wear makeup, and I treat guys that I’m interested in as equals. But I guess that’s not enough, and sometimes it hurts. It’s not out of insecurities, but out of the fact that I’m always getting the message (sometimes from my friends — though probably unintentionally) that I’m not good enough, that I need to be more submissive to all these rules and standards about beauty and “character” and behavior in order to get what I want.  I know they mean well, and ok, the makeover was fun and the chitchats are always illuminating and entertaining and lovely. But even so… Ow?